What goes around comes around

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was very picky about the clothes in her closet and those in her dresser drawers.

There was some attire she preferred to wear ... and others she shoved to the back or hid at the bottom of the pile.

Sometimes, as she was getting ready for school in the morning, her mother would bound into the bedroom and, deaf to unyielding protests, select an outfit for her daughter - typically, one shoved the back or hidden at the bottom of the pile.

A bright orange, short-sleeved blouse with colorful flowers stretched across the top, was the girl's least favorite garment of all - but what her mother most insisted she wear.

One day, the girl secretly packed a second shirt in her backpack, hugged her mother goodbye and headed to the bus stop in front of her friend's house. But when she got there, she continued inside where she changed out of that flashy blouse and prayed for the bus's prompt arrival.

This tactic was employed each time the girl's mother picked out her clothes for school. And it seemed foolproof until the morning her friend's brother caught the girl coming out of the basement in a switched-out shirt. He was quick to tell the girl's younger brother, who didn't think twice about tattling on his sister.

I can't help but chuckle whenever I think back to one of my very first acts of rebellion. I don't remember the punishment I received, but I'm pretty sure it involved some sort of grounding and frequently sporting that orange shirt to school.

I share this story as my husband and I watch friends and family navigate through various learning opportunities with their young children. Some react instantly and often irritably; others approach situations more carefully as they look for teaching moments for both themselves and the child.

It makes me realize how intentional the two of us need to be as parents, though our baby is still cuddling snugly in the womb for a few more weeks.

I admit I've never given much thought to raising a little one, other than teaching her to be a kind, compassionate, loving child of God - and even knowing how to do this overwhelms me. I think I expected to make decisions and react to circumstances on a day-to-day basis, to cross that bridge when we came to it.

But lately, I've been hearing stories that make me sit back and think, "Would I have done the same?"

During a recent dinner, my friend's three-year-old emptied a plate full of chicken, piece by piece, onto the floor beneath her. My friend made the discovery after praising her daughter for her wonderful eating habits. In the moment, my friend was transported back to a dinnertime in her younger days when she did the same thing, only with hamburger. It's still one of her least favorite childhood memories.

So while she was still upset, my friend chose to handle the situation and the consequence differently than her parents. She sent her daughter to her room and then made her come back and clean up the mess. At bedtime, while reading a story, the little girl apologized, unprovoked.

Anecdotes like these give me inspiration for what kind of parents my husband and I can be and the tone we will set for our family. And they make me realize that these teachable moments are likely easier said than done.

I hope to view parenting not as a job, but as a ministry or service where we sacrifice our time, agenda and energy with a desire to raise children who will be blessings to those around them and however difficult it may be for us to let go, world-changers.

I want to be prepared now, however premature it may seem. To know how to reward obedience, to celebrate accomplishments, and every now and then, to discipline the slip-ups.

Like my friend demonstrated, I'd rather interact proactively with my daughter, not reactively. To think before speaking. To daily remember that nothing has a greater impact over a child than a mother and father. It's true for me and I hope it can be true for her.

And I hope years from now, when she's able to read over these archived columns, I've stood firm on these printed promises.